If Rachel Was Right Here Now
If Rachel Was Right Here Now | Reflections on Grief, Faith, and Photography
Sometimes, when the quiet settles around me and the world slows down, I close my eyes and imagine what Rachel might say if she was right here now. Losing my wife Rachel in October 2021 reshaped my life completely. Every step I've taken since then personally, spiritually, and professionally has been an act of faith. Navigating grief and healing hasn't been easy, but leaning fully on God has guided me through the hardest path I've ever walked.
Rachel always knew exactly how to speak to my soul. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, uncertain, or discouraged, she'd gently remind me, "God's got you." These words weren't just comforting. They became my lifeline. Even now, I clearly hear her voice in moments of doubt, gently reassuring me, "Stop worrying. Stop stressing. God has it all figured out. Everything is going to be okay."
Looking back, I know Rachel would be proud not only because 2024 was my busiest and most successful photography year, filled with more weddings and portrait sessions than ever before but because I never gave up. There were days when social media silence left me feeling invisible, questioning my worth. But Rachel would remind me, "You're doing this for God.”
Photography has become far more than just my passion; it's been a source of healing. There have been countless days I nearly didn't pick up my camera, convinced it wouldn't matter or that nothing good could come of it. Yet every time, God met me exactly where I was in my doubts and discouragement and transformed them into my most meaningful photographs. Each image captured wasn't just a moment; it was evidence of God's constant presence and grace.
Rachel believed deeply in me long before I ever did. My growth as a photographer wouldn't surprise her, but my perseverance would bring her great joy. She constantly encouraged me, pushing me to share more, create more, and connect more deeply with others. I miss her encouragement immensely; those gentle reminders that my voice, my art, and my story are valuable.
Spiritually, losing Rachel shook my faith to its core. For a long time, anger toward God consumed me. Yet today, my relationship with God is stronger and deeper than ever. Last year, I faced another difficult season that nearly broke me completely. But instead of breaking me, God used it to transform and strengthen me. Through prayer, worship, studying the Bible, and returning faithfully to church, I've found a profound closeness with Him again. I know Rachel would see this growth and smile softly, saying, "I always knew you'd find your way back."
I'm sharing this deeply personal reflection because I believe we're here to lift each other up. If you're feeling overwhelmed, lost, or discouraged, please know you're not alone. Whether you've faced heartache, disappointment, or uncertainty, there is hope. Rachel's words remain true not only for me but for you as well:
"God's got you. It'll be okay."
As I write these words, I hear her voice clearly, and I trust them with my entire heart.
